


Release

by kathrynthegreat



Category: Southern Vampire Mysteries - Charlaine Harris
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 01:27:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathrynthegreat/pseuds/kathrynthegreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the person who had been my first love and had broken my heart beyond mending. Why was I here?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Release

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to eeyore9990 for the ultra fast beta. And bloodwings1 for the quick read through and ego boost. And inlovewithnight's "One Night Challenge". This one is for jersey_girl29, who is the only other Bill fan out there. Love ya, babe! I hope you like it.

It had been nearly two weeks since my return from Rhodes. Life was just starting to settle down for me again. Quinn had finally called and made arrangements to come pick up his sister’s Mustang. I was hopeful we would talk about our future, and my heart swelled with the possibilities.

I hadn’t heard from Eric and Pam at all since my return, and I allowed myself to believe that the bonding between Eric and me would go away just like it had before. As far as I was concerned, it had to. There were no other possibilities. I did not want to belong to a vampire. I refused to, even as my mind turned over the events in the hotel and all the implications that went with them. The power of three. Eric had forced me to share blood with him for the third time. I felt compelled to be around him, to touch him. His presence soothed me like no other person’s. And I hated him for it.

Coming home again, I tried to forget. I was washing the supper dishes when I decided to go for a walk and enjoy the warm night air. I needed some time alone with my thoughts and ideas. As much as I’d grown accustomed to Amelia being my roommate, I still enjoyed time to myself.

 

Ending up at Bill’s front door was the last thing I intended.

He opened the door after my first knock, his face revealing nothing but curiosity. Bill was lucky to be one of the vampires that escaped the hotel bombing with his body intact. It had, however, been daylight when the building had exploded. I found him hiding from the sun under some debris; he had suffered burns over much of his body.

“Sookie. I didn’t expect you.” He stood in the threshold, the screen door the only thing between us.

“How are you? You look like you’ve healed pretty well, all things considered.” I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, suddenly hoping he would invite me in. It occurred to me then that us mere mortals have a few built-in defenses against the undead. Namely, a vampire must be invited into a human’s home; otherwise they won’t get past the porch. I had rescinded any invitations I had given to Bill and Eric some months ago. Vampires didn’t have that ability. It made them seem weak to me for a moment, even with all their power. 

My eyes searched Bill’s face for any trace of scarring, stopping short at his open shirt collar. His skin was pale, just like always. I did see some faint red marks along his left cheek that hadn’t been there before; the rest of his face looked unblemished and nearly perfect.

“It took time, but I’ve recovered. Not everyone was as lucky.” He leaned against the doorframe and met my eyes as if considering what to say next. The silence stretched between us and I found myself desperate for words.

“What did you mean when you said ‘I knew you’d find me’? How could you know that? It was a disaster, bodies everywhere. People dying. But you knew I’d find you.” My voice trailed off and I studied my shoes, looking everywhere but at the man in front of me. This is the person who had been my first love and had broken my heart beyond mending. Why was I here? 

I startled at the sound of the screen door banging open and his face a few inches from my own. “If you really want the answer to that question, you should come in.” He moved sideways and I passed by him into his house. There had been a time when this house had been like a second home to me. My breath caught in my chest at the memories, the living room was the same as I remembered. How long had it been?

“-something to drink?” Bill was asking me a question. I looked at him and tried to pay attention to what he was saying. “I have tea or water. Sookie, you don’t look so good. Would you like to sit down?” His face changed and I recognized concern in his dark eyes.

“Water, please.” I sat on the nearest chair, and watched as he walked into the kitchen. Despite everything, Bill remained a Southern gentleman. I don’t know why, but for some reason that soothed me, and I relaxed my shoulders and closed my eyes. When I opened them, he was standing above me, offering a glass of ice water with a slight smile curving his lips. 

The first drink refreshed me and I felt like I could focus once again. I took my time collecting my thoughts, organizing them, trying to decide what to say to Bill. I could feel his eyes on me, even as he moved across the room and leaned against the wall. I drained the glass and placed it on the end table near my elbow. I was careful to reach for a coaster first; my Granny taught me to not leave water rings on people’s furniture, even when the people were vampires I didn’t like. 

The truth was that I wanted to hate him for breaking my heart, but try as I might, I couldn’t. More often than not, I could ignore him if I didn’t have to see him or his latest girlfriend. My attempt to abjure Bill, pretend like he didn’t exist (a handy trick I had learned from the weres), failed. I couldn’t pretend like my past had never happened, much as I wanted to. 

I remembered our time together before I learned that Bill had betrayed me. He was my first real boyfriend, my first everything. I wanted to be over him, to not care about his welfare, to feel nothing when I thought of him. I wanted to not think of him at all. I suddenly knew what had brought me to his doorstep, the reason I was here in his living room, the question twisting in my gut like rusty barbed wire.

“Why?” It was as if the floodgates to my soul flew open with that one word. All the pain that I denied feeling when the Queen and then Eric told me of Bill’s mission to find me, to bed me, burst forth in that moment. My skin burned with indignation and I looked directly at him, no longer hiding the contempt glowing just below the surface. 

He was silent for so long, I started to wonder if he’d heard me. Finally I heard my own heartbeat in the quiet; it filled my ears like the ticking of an internal clock. Bill remained completely still, like a living statue.

“Sophie Anne knew I was from this area. She had heard about a telepathic woman living here. One day she summoned me.” His voice was flat as he told me the details of the assignment the Queen tasked him with. “I come through here every few decades, it’s a compulsion that we all have I think, to revisit our home. Normally I only stay a few weeks before I move on.” He moved across the floor in a fluid motion that marked him as one of the undead. I couldn’t help but blink in surprise when he was seated on the floor in front of me, his face level with my knees.

“She told me to find you,” his voice was softer now that there was less space between us, “and, once I was sure you were the one she was looking for, I was to do anything to keep you close to me.” His face remained expressionless, but I could see something in the darkness of his eyes, something that looked like hope.

“I was supposed to take you to her. You know what kind of power your ability brings to our kind?” I knew it was a rhetorical question, as he continued without pause. “I couldn’t do it, Sookie. I wanted to protect you from our world, but I’m not a powerful vampire. I went to Eric, instead of doing as I was told. I hoped having a position with him would keep you here, in your own life, not a possession for the Queen’s amusement.” 

“Go on.” I needed to hear it all, the truth and the lies, all of it.

“It worked. Once Eric knew of your abilities, he kept you here, closer to him. It was after you were under mine and Eric’s protection that my maker called for me. It was retribution, for not handing you over directly.” He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. The gesture was so human, I thought it might be a glimpse of the man Bill once was. 

“Why haven’t I heard this before?” It all made sense to me, as if the last pieces of a puzzle were falling into place.

“Would you have believed me?” 

No.” 

“Why do you believe me now?” I didn’t like how he was turning the tables on me, but he had given me honesty. I would do the same in return.

“I wasn’t ready to hear this until now. I think I was mourning us, all that we lost.” The tears came unbidden, pricking my eyes and making my throat ache.

“I thought of you constantly. When you rescued me, it was as if you had heard me calling for you.” He stopped then and looked at his hands. “I tried to protect you, and it didn’t work. I lost you, Eric has bound you to him and, try as I might, I cannot stop thinking of you.” 

“You could have done it. The binding I mean.” I was just now realizing it. All the time Bill and I were together, he never tricked me into taking his blood

“It was never my intention to possess you, Sookie. You were always my equal. But I warned you in the beginning. We are not human; we do not have your morals or innocence.”

“Did you love me?” I tried to ignore the tears running down my cheeks, dripping down my chin and leaving a trail of sorrow on my neck.

I felt Bill hands on my knees as he pulled himself up from the floor and tilted his face within a hairsbreadth of mine. His hands moved up my body to cup my face as his tongue darted out to lick the moisture from my cheek. 

“They taste bitter. I’m so sorry for everything that happened. Yes. I loved you, or it was the closest to love that I am capable of as a vampire. I never meant to hurt you.” He continued to run his tongue down my chin and neck, stopping at the hollow of my neck.

I stiffened, expecting to feel his teeth next. I didn’t know if it was fear or lust making my heart trip hammer in my chest. He reached for me and pressed his mouth to mine, his kiss a question. My answer was a low moan as I opened for him, timid at first and then forceful when he pressed against me. 

There was no hatred now; I felt the last of it burn up when I gasped for breath and he pulled me to the floor. All that was left was sorrow for a first love forever lost. I forgave him in that moment, and forgave myself, too.

Impatient to feel his smooth cool skin for the last time, I unbuttoned his shirt, finally pulling it open in frustration. Buttons flew in all directions and then I was touching his chest and moving against him, desperate to feel him against me and inside me.

“This is good-bye, Bill.”

I watched in fascination as red tears pooled in his eyes before dripping down his face to land on my tongue.

He tasted salty and sweet, the combination so heady it made my head swim. 

And then finally we were skin to skin. I felt free of any pain as we moved together, my memories of our past and the present melding into one. Finally I understood the price we had both paid to be together. The cost had been high; my innocence and his love. But I had no regrets.

 

*************************************************************

 

A ‘for sale’ sign showed up on Bill’s front lawn the next day. I didn’t see it, but I heard about it the usual way, through my customers at Merlotte’s. There was wild speculation about why he was leaving Bon Temps, but only I knew the truth. I was sad that he was leaving, but there was a growing resolve to finish what I had started in saying good-bye to Bill.

It was time to face Eric and get my life back, even if I had to use a stake to do it.


End file.
